Living on Shattered Faith

Thu, 18 May 2006 16:22:20 GMT

I'm a failure.

Wed, 07 Dec 2005 02:51:25 GMT

Attention:

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to make an ammendment. To all those concerned, the previous post made was in no way related to, nor did it correlate with any supposed drug addiction I may hold.

Thank for your time, I will now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

~ The managment

Sun, 04 Dec 2005 21:42:01 GMT

Fuck! Fuckfuckfuck. My self-control is waning to dangerous lows. I told myself I would not fucking call. I'm not going to do it. I refuse to pick up that phone. I have some self respect, dammit. But it's so damn hard. There is NOTHING else to do. Everyone is either working, or sleeping, or grounded, or busy, or not leaving their house or whatever, and I'm left bored and tempted. It would be something to do. Hell, it would be what I really want to do, anyway. Everything else is just a distraction from what my mind is really focussing on. Dammit. This sucks. Wish me luck with my inner battle. =/

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 21:12:46 GMT

Okay, where's the fanfare, where's the astounding applause and 4 tier cake for this momentous occasion? That's right, ladies and gents, it's true. I have returned to livejournal. I know, I never thought it would happen, and I'm sure you didn't either, but under the intense poking and prodding by none other than LadyLauren, I'm back with a vengeance (not really). Whether or not I'll continue to update regularly, or semi-regularly is still to be determined, but hey, at least I've made a post. My first in at least a year, no less. Well, as heart-stopping as this excitement-packed entry has been, I'll let you all return to your mundane lives, anticipating my next update on baited breath. Until next time, kiddied, I bid you all a fair and frank, adieu.

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 14:15:35 GMT

I know I should be ashamed of what's there. I should be ashamed of what I have, what's prevalent. Rather, within the depths of my fucked up mind, I find myself remorseful over the fact that there aren't more. There aren't enough. I want so badly to rectify that, but... It's been so long. I've been so good. Well, on the outside. It's a constantly raging battle within me. The thing is, I can't even tell which part of me is winning. I don't know what's right anymore.

Sun, 24 Oct 2004 04:45:59 GMT

I really don't feel like going through boxes and reminiscing, in addition to being a packhorse and following your every sodding command, especially whilst in the middle of a nervous breakdown, let alone do it with a smile on my face, you whinging, pathetic, controlling, domineering, hypocritical SLAG.

Thank you for your time, we now return you to your regularly scheduelled programming and apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.
Have a nice day.

I'd like to line you up for questioning...

Sat, 23 Oct 2004 05:23:38 GMT

Love and Sex With Your Friends by dannygrl0129
Username
Sex
Favorite Color
Love of your life:	hd_notes
Best sex of your life:	ladydeworde
Will make you come 1000 times:	evilimp
Will break your heart:	xylodemon
Best Kisser:	masterofdonuts
Best cuddler:	reflective_eyes
You secretly dream of:	a_leprechaun
But this person dreams of you:	quiet_virgin
Will handcuff you and screw you silly:	dreamingofmore

Quiz created with MemeGen!

The Grudge is freaking SCARY as fuck.

meme time

Mon, 18 Oct 2004 23:52:04 GMT

How common are marebehr's interests

Universal

computers (266008)
friends (337801)
harry potter (126790)
movies (538818)
music (821354)
reading (352824)
writing (351052)

Popular

lord of the rings (93179)
nirvana (92542)
the cure (81159)

Common

alcohol (46329)
cigarettes (22233)
daria (16221)
draco malfoy (11076)
europe (20642)
evanescence (45245)
fiona apple (22268)
foo fighters (27855)
gay rights (11826)
insomnia (13145)
jack off jill (22031)
linux (13560)
maroon 5 (32227)
nin (21009)
operation ivy (13536)
paganism (18357)
red hot chili peppers (28726)
slash (30293)
sylvia plath (14294)
tarot (17636)
the clash (41440)
the crow (15565)
the distillers (24248)
the ramones (27189)
walking (40732)

Specialist

albert camus (3092)
anti-bush (6087)
aristotle (1454)
bitch (2132)
draco (1758)
egyptian mythology (1268)
elizabeth wurtzel (1458)
existentialism (8408)
faith no more (5464)
fanfics (4203)
fencing (9376)
k's choice (1763)
monet (4361)
my brother (1229)
nietzsche (4932)
plato (2545)
prozac nation (1759)
slytherin (7648)
socrates (1630)
the bell jar (2455)
twincest (1753)
van gogh (6784)
voltaire (4290)

Unusual

edgar a. poe (98)
ferris bueler's day off (222)
gleaming the cube (95)
h/d (645)
jean paul sartre (410)
left wing (396)
lethargy (292)
malfoys (295)
more (822)
more now again (45)
oxford university (201)
pump it up (884)
pump up the volume (563)
shakespear (965)
shudder to think (383)
starry night (589)
substances (145)
the witnesses (33)

Rare

doc martin's (7)
hating ani difranco (5)
molier (5)

Please RIP, Matthew.

Wed, 13 Oct 2004 19:52:04 GMT

I know it was yesterday, sorry for the inaccuracy, I just didn't have this available to me yesterday.

THE ULTIMATE SILENCE
October 12, 1998

Listen to the mustn'ts, child.
Listen to the don'ts.
Listen to the shouldn'ts,
The impossibles, the won'ts.
Listen to the never haves,
Then listen close to me ...
Anything can happen, child.
Anything can be.

~ Shel Silverstein

Six years ago today, Matthew Shepard was murdered for being homosexual.

What will you do to end the silence?

Click here to post this on your own page or weblog

Fuck this

Tue, 12 Oct 2004 02:14:01 GMT

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck god damn fuck. Yes, yes, I have arisen from the grave after what, since I am not lame enough to actually go check the date, I assume to be a century of MIA behavior on my part. And, per usual, this will just be a rant entry, hence the title and lovely introductory words.

I hate being a junior. Classes are alright and everything, but god DAMN I have more work than freshman and sophmore year combined. I finished a shit load of AP Gov and Pol., now have some math to do, a bit of spanish, and need to study for a chem quiz. I also have an author study for both H English and Drama Lit. Have AP US questions due next week (that I'm splitting with Sam) and have that fucktard of a journal entry project for AP US that is so retarded that I desperately don't want to do, and FUCK, why did she assign it, if not only to torture us?! - due on the 25th.

I didn't go to homecoming. I got a dress, got no ticket, no good. Didn't go to Ben's box social. Didn't go on the Midnight Run. Did do back to school night, raised $84.25. Not as good as past years, despite my not-so-humble begging of the people walking by.

I feel sick now after drinking less than a tiny bit of bad beer with Eric when he came over earlier tonight (YAY, I saw Eric home from Plattsburg, loff for teh Eric dude). Ordered Chinese food, hasn't come yet, that or I didn't hear the doorbell and they left. I'd call and ask what the hold-up is, but I don't think I could eat it right now, anyway. I don't know. Maybe I'll call.

I hate the fact that I have school tomorrow, and that it's 10pm already. I hate the fact that no matter how much work I do, how much club participation I put forth, how much I unpack, how much writing and reading of fics and of my f-list I get done, no matter how much of ANYTHING I do, I always feel behind. I hate feeling so pressured by everything around me. Fucking walls are caving in. For example, on netscape right now, I have my LJ friends page open, and four fics that I am in the process of reading, that I just can't keep up on, or that I haven't been able to read yet. And I know that by later tonight I will have more to read piling up on my friends page from communities. I know this sounds frivolous and retarded and like something I don't really need to do, but you don't get it, and I don't have the time or energy or motivation to explain it.

I don't go to the crazy doctor anymore. I have no meds. My mentality still hasn't changed. Fuck that.

This has been too long. In summation, I hate everything, everything hates me. There, now aren't I a sad little goth girl?

Fuck you, all.

Thank you and goodnight.

And I'll be your girl if you say it's a gift, and you give me some more of your drugs...

Sat, 11 Sep 2004 08:52:13 GMT

There are certain people in my life that I just love so damn much. I'm not going to be a mushy GIRL, ew, and list them or anything, ha, ask if you want to know if you're one of them. Chances are you already know if you are. Just..being with certain people can pull me out of being..me. I know that doesn't sound good, you're supposed to be yourself with people, and well..there are people who I can be myself with, but really, I don't want to. I hate me, why would I want to be me? I like that I can escape me when I'm with these people. So..thank you. Thank you to teh lovers. They even managed to make me not post the fucking terribly ME entry I was going to. That's an accomplishment. Too bad I require so much solitude. Fuck.

The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had...

Sat, 04 Sep 2004 23:26:56 GMT

I can't help but laugh. I can't help but laugh. Any other sound allowed escape from my mouth would probably break me. I would never cry, but the scream I'd unleash would be too much right now. For me, that is. I suppose if I look at it in the right frame of mind, it really is quite amusing. It's quite amusing how stereotypical this is, and it's bloody hillarious that it's actually real. It's fucking funny how I've come to realize that in my mother's eyes, my brother really is the "golden child." Today she was...fuck it, I don't want to talk about it. She's getting angry at me for doing my summer work and not packing even more shit up and moving it. I've packed and moved like a fucking pack horse for her, cancelled plans, blown off friends, put off work, and wanted to die because of everything I'm doing. Honestly, I need to be doing this work. I can't not do it. My education is far more important to me than wherever the fuck we live. The point is that wherever we live, I'll still be with her for the next two years. That's why this work is so important. I can't blow off my work for school, because school is what is going to get me the hell out of here in two years time, and I swear to Hecate, I swear to Bast I will not let her fuck this up for me. I won't let her. She's already done so much damage to it. I'm not saying it to just blast her, using her as a scapegoat, but so much pressure is already on me for it. She won't pay the tuition to any schools I want to go to, and she's already laughed in my face multiple times when I've talked about my dream schools. But it's fine. It doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt because I know I'm going to be better. I'm going to be better than she ever was, and I'm not going to do to my life what she's done to hers. I'm not going to have the worst taste in men possible, have an 18 year old miserable marriage, a 7 year relationship of hell, which in the process ruins the life and mindset of my daughter, who I honestly never meant to have, and would have been better of without. I'm not going to enter a business anything like hers, I'm not going to mess up my finances as badly as she had for her whole life. And I swear to everything under and above the sun, I am never going to hurt as many people with my problems as she does. I'm not going to unburdon my soul to people who have no business hearing it, and I'm certainly not going to expect others to snap their fingers and make it better. I'm not going to hurt the people in my life without even realising it, and I'm not going to...god dammit. Everyone swears they're not going to be anything like their parents, and they always end up just like them. That's not the case for me. I won't let it. I seriously will not allow it. I'll fucking end everything before I become her.

Fuck this pointless, useless rant. I have work to do. My work.

Oh baby

Tue, 31 Aug 2004 03:36:18 GMT

Newest goal: Find someone with a tongue piercing to make out with. Anyone wanna help me out there? *raised eyebrow*

Oh man...Stevo and Charlie, hell yeah.

Sun, 29 Aug 2004 05:21:38 GMT

You Are Stevo!

Which SLC Punk are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Charlie

Which 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'll be better when I'm older...

Sun, 08 Aug 2004 06:45:10 GMT

How is it possible for one person to be this pathetic? I simply, literally do not understand how I can be physically, mentally, emotionally capable to be this...this, well...PATHETIC. After what was an awesome-tastic day, here I am being..being me, doing the same things I always do. I'm sorely dissapointed in myself, and even further dissapointed that I'm not surprised by this type of behavior. Fuck me. Fuck to to Haydes. I truly wish someone, anyone knew how...Buggar that. I refuse to finish that sentence, in fear of it sounding far too emo. Goddess, how I hate me. How I hate this. I can't see a brighter future, and I hate that. God dammit. Someone make it stop. Please make this stop. Please? I'll do anything you so desire. Anything. PLEASE.

Anyway. Today was Becka's party. T'was fabulous. I got to see the Becka and the Heddie love again, which was truly spectacular, man do I love those girls. I also got to see again/meet Christal, Liza, Vicki, and John. I officially adore Christal, Liza is wonderful, Vicki is adorable, and John was quite awesome, despite the fact that he gets the same pleasure all men get it playfully torturing me. I don't get it. Oh well. Becka and Heddie insist that I was flirting with him. I don't know, maybe I was, I flirt, even when I'm not flirting I flirt, it's just the way thigns are, heh. But please, I was flirting with Heddie, too. And Casey. Sort of Christal. Semi-Becka, but not quite, since she's too devoted to Heddie and not as playful, teehee. =P I intend to get all of their sn's from Heddie or Becka so I can keep in touch with the wonderful people. We did the party thing, played Uno, Taboo, I gave Becka, Heddie, Casey, and Liza tarot readings, we had food, cake, I smeared frosting on Heddie's nose and she retaliated by spreading it on my FACE. Devil child *g*. We did presents (I went overboard, got Becka a black quill and ink set, a large roll of parchment, two pens [One Carebear, one Tinkerbell], and a "Correspondence Kit," it had a very pretty notebook thing, for letters, envelopes, stickers, er..I think some other stuff, I don't know. I thought it was fitting for her leaving for college....*sobs*). We Went swimming, went into town, John bought me coffee, sat at the pier for quite a bit, walked back to Becka's old place (where the party was being held). Hung out. Talked. People started leaving. Casey and I left.

Casey and I went back to her place so she could change, went to town to meet Eric and Ben Pagano who called my cell while I was at Becka's, wanting to hang out. Went back to Eric's, saw disgusting and FREAKY videos/pictures online. Ben, Casey and I played Donky Kong till we went CRAZY, while Eric played games on line with Justin Parnell. Eric's parents got home, hence bringing the car home, so Eric dropped Casey and I off, got back around 1, maybe a quarter to 1. Yeah, t'was all mostly fun.

I have other things to discuss, but..I don't particularly feel like it, so I shall end this entry here. Oh, and add that I hate older people and they're all deserting me and it's making me very sad. Eric's leaving in 12 days!! Twelve fucking days. Other people are leaving not much after that. I hate you all, I'm never making friends with older peple again. Assholes. Okay, that's a lie, but I truly am quite deeply saddened by all of this. *tears, sniffles, sobs*

And in a little while we'll only have to wave...

Mon, 02 Aug 2004 17:04:10 GMT

I had a very interesting conversation last night with my brother and his friend Will. Very interesting.

And on a completely different note...

This is the closest I've ever been to telling him. I'm actually seriously considering it. Yes, it terrifies me, but...I'm tired of being who I am and sticking with old habbits. It's time for a change. It's time I do this.

Odd dreams...

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 17:48:30 GMT

So last night I had quite an interesting dream, one which I have no idea where it came from. In the beginning I was with these "anarchists," and by anarchists, I mean vampires, I have no idea why they were called anarchists. At first they were nice and everything, trying to get me to join, or something like that. Then one of them, who apparantly was Angelus from Buffy, started trying to do to me what he did to Drusilla, like..make me insane and then instead of him making me a vampire on the day I was supposed to take my holy vows, he took my virginity. Well..that's whta he was supposed to do, I don't really remember if he actually pulled it off. He took me inside of a coffin to do it, and closed the lid, but from the dream perspective I was just looking at the closed coffin, I couldn't see what was going on inside until the lid was shifted aside and I sat up on my knees really quickly and you couldn't see what he was doing inside there, and I had this very odd expression on my face. I couldn't tell if I was about to cry, or if I was happy or in great pleasure or anything like that. Then I jumped out and tried to run down this long dirty hallway with cobblestone walls and dirt for a ground, and all these "anarchists" tried to jump at me to get me to stay, but they were suddenly afflicted with..with I don't know what, they just started gasping and falling down, so I kept running. The next thing I knew I was in this big van/bus type of thing and this old lady was driving. I just sort of sat there for a while, terrified that they were going to get me. Then I went up to where the lady was driving and asked her to let me out or to pull over so I could get something, or something like that, but she said she couldn't, that her orders were to drive straight w/o stopping, that we'd be there in 20 minutes anyway. I got really scared and almost started to cry and asked who her orders were from, and she couldn't tell me, she didn't know, but they were from this man, and I was asking her if they were from _____ and I started describing the anarchists (and for some reason, Jason Behr came to my mind as the head "anarchist"), and she assured me that she knew who they were, and no, it wasn't from them, and I was going to meet someone I'd be happy about. So I kind of just settled down to wait, since I could see the mall ahead and knew that's where we were going, though I was confused since it wasn't going to take 20 minutes to get there. So we get to the parking lot and start driving around, trying to let me out, and suddenly, it's like..she's the same woman, but now she's my grandmother, my dead grandmother. I get all choked up, and we're still talking casually, but I just want to tell her how much I miss her, and miss driving around and going to the mall with her (despite the fact that in real life we never did that), but I don't say anything, and when we get to the front, she lets me out, and randomly, the person that is meeting me there is like..argh, so hard to place a name to this guy, he's like...Matt Pesner, or ya know, someone like that, senior, or recently graduated and sort of jock-type, but not in the insane jock manor. So I get out and am talking to him and I take his arm and we're walking, and he stops to tye his shoe, and apparantly he walks with a limp now, and I want to tell him that I've missed him, and that I'm really sorry he can't walk now (apparantly in my mind he'd been in a wheel chair, but now he actually is walking but er...that just doesn't factor in), but I don't say anything, and we keep just walking arm in arm into this food place right in the front of the mall once you get inside and he starts talking about what he wants to eat, and I'm just not hungry. Then I start asking him about who's coming to meet me, since I guess he's just there to meet me until the real person shows up, and finally gives in and tells me that it's....you ready for this? It's Frankie. Seriously WTF? I haven't seen or talked to Frankie in a kajillion years and now he's showing up in my dreams? Right, that makes so much sense. And apparantly I hadn't seen him in a long time in my dream either, but I like, squeal with delight and get so happy, and can't believe that he's coming. Then I start to ask a question about when he'll get here, or how, or something like that, but I stop mid-sentence and say nevermind because I see him through the window walking in front of the mall, and he see's me and we wave and grin. I say that we'll just wait for him to come into the store..food place, instead of going outside to meet him. Then the other guy, alright fine, we'll call him Matt just sort of grins and half chuckles, and I ask him what, and he just shakes his head and says, "just..
Frankie, will he ever not shop up to save your hide." And in my dream, I think it's true, that he always does. So Frankie gets in there and sort of jumps over this couch thing to get to us, and randomly, mustard spills all over my pants and arms and shirt , and I ask him if he did it, like..threw it on me while he was jumping over, and he says no and laughs while I wipe it off, since there's so much. When I'm done I throw myself at him into this huge, huge hug, and we just sort of stand there for a while, hugging each other, and I'm happy. Then, once again randomly, we're sitting at this apparantly local baseball diamond on a field watching like..Nyack, or some team play. All my friends are there and Frankie is telling them all these old stories about the two of us, and they're all laughing. One of them is like..I came to visit him where he lived and I had a screaming head ache, I forget why, and was lying down and he wakes me up by screaming..something at me, and part of the same story is when he literally puts me in a bag. In a small shopping bag, he just puts me in there, and part of the story is, "and there's no pouch in there, so there's no where for her to go to the bathroom!" And this was hillarious at the time, and everyone was laughing hysterically, including myself and Frankie.

Erm...yeah, that's where I looked up and saw the clock saying it was 1 o' clock and felt like shit because I was supposed to hang out with Eric around 12ish, and I was thinking I should have just stayed up the first time when I woke up around 10. And came over here to see if he was on line (DAMN HIM AND HIS AWAY MESSAGE OF OUT-NESS!!), and talk to others, and type this. Yeah, I'm done.

PS- You know how sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night for no reason, and just go back to sleep? Well when I'm in the part of my sleep cycle where I actually sleep, or basically, recently, or rather...for months, that hasn't happened to me (probably because I've been going to sleep in the morning, and I'm not very inclined to wake up in the middle of the day, instead the middle of the night). It happened last night, and for some reason, it felt really good, just to wake up, and stretch, and get myself comfortable again and go back to sleep easily for once. I even remember thinking at the time that it was good, and that I liked it. Hm..interesting. Sorry I bored you all with my interminably long description of my dream, if any of you even read it. Damn, I hope I find Eric. Alright, I'm out.
Later.

Fitting...

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 17:15:05 GMT

I am The Hermit

The Hermit often suggests a need for time alone - a period of reflection when distractions are limited. In times of action and high energy, he stands for the still center that must be created for balance. He can also indicate that withdrawal or retreat is advised for the moment. In addition, the Hermit can represent seeking of all kinds, especially for deeper understanding or the truth of a situation. "Seek, and ye shall find," we have been told, and so the Hermit stands for guidance as well. We can receive help from wise teachers, and, in turn, help others as we progress.

For a full description of your card and other goodies, please visit LearnTarot.com

What tarot card are you? Enter your birthdate.

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 07:27:12 GMT

So I was in my mom's room, having her rant at me about wanting to give me a sleeping pill because she was tired of me sleeping the day away because I'm on the part of my cycle where I sleep all the time, as opposed to not sleeping at all. Then she brought up the subject of changing crazy doctor's. I just sort of grinned half heartedly and asked her if she was planning on shipping me off to one therapist after another until I was magically fixed, and she replied with, "no, I'll just do it until you've grown up and gotten over this," and began laughing. Then she began ranting about how much money I was costing her with this shit. I have told her time and time again to just stop it, that she's wasting her money, and she refuses to listen or let me stop because she believes eventually everything will work itself out as long as she doesn't have to do anything more than write a check. If she insists on writing a check I wish it would be for some Paxil or Xanax or something, but despite the reccomendations of everyone else, she doesn't want to "mess with my brain while I'm still growing." Amusingly enough, when Donna suggested I see Dr. Bowman, this homeopathic doctor that helps without altering brain chemistry, she turned that down, as well. Though, she turned it down in her usual way, which is of course, saying she'll give it a chance (amusing how she's saying she'll be the one giving it a chance when I'll be the one dealing with the effects), and then never does it, despite people's urging. I've tried to give up so many times. I'm utterly, purely dissapointed in myself for not being able to.

Cry as you die 'cause you know you still want her....

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 06:04:12 GMT

I really want to listen to some lovely classical instrumentals. Some nice violins, violas, perhaps some cellos, I want some beautiful sounds made by string instruments to invade my thoughts, to wash over me and place me into a lull of somewhere, somewhen, someone else. Anyone have any suggestions? Please send them my way, I don't need any more dissapointment. Fuck all of you who think that sounds too angsty, too emo, too gothic, too whiney, too bitchy, too me. I'm tired of censoring myself for you.

Wow...

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 10:57:24 GMT

Yes, it has indeed been a very long time since I have updated, during which many, many things have happened. I will talk about those later, I just don't feel like it now. Now I'm just updating to announce the fact that I've just joined two new lj communities purely because in addition to my H/D obsession, I have recently been getting into Fred/George twincest. So..I have joined two communities dealing with things of the sort. I am loathe to deal with the other Weasley parings that will come w/ the communities, seeing as how Fred and George are the only tolerable Weasley's, but I can always just ignore them and focus on the twincest. Yay. Hahahah, just in case you're wondering, yes, I do fully acknowledge the fact that I'm a great big freak, and yet...I can't make myself care. I enjoy my freakish tendencies, and so should you!

Sun, 18 Jul 2004 21:53:28 GMT

God dammit! I was supposed to go see HP on Imax today w/ Emily, and her friend Megan (lanthiril), and now it's all gone to hell. I was so looking forward to it, I really wanted to see it on imax, and I really wanted to see Emily, but now, no, it's not gonna happen. I woke up sort of late (FUCK ME) got myself ready quickly and asked my mom to take me, I had already told her about it yesterday and she said okay, and she just said no, she had too much work to do, she wouldn't stop for 10 minutes to take me, so I couldn't go because I didn't have another ride. Augh, I'm so utterly dissapointed, and I feel terrible for letting Emily down. I left a message on her cell telling her what happened and how completely sorry I am, I hope she got it. I'm such a shotty friend for doing this to her, ugh, damn me to hell. I hate this. I can't say anything more w/o running the risk of being told I'm more "goth" than people already think I am. Fuck this. I'm really, really, REALLY sorry, Emily. I hope you have a great time tonight and don't hate me forever. *sighs* Later.

Here we go again...

Thu, 15 Jul 2004 11:27:54 GMT

Well, it's 7.10am, I'm awake, if you're surprised by this, I'm severely dissapointed in you. Buffy is on FX, yay for that, the demon people working at the station have switched around the time of showings, but hey, since school is no longer an issue, wahoo, I'm flexible..except for the fact that I usually sleep through it when it's on from 2-3pm. Ha, oh well, I've seen every episode at least like..12 times, I think I can handle missing a few re-runs. So, my brother and Nancy are once again "officially over," I think it will stick this time. We had a long conversation at 3am when he came home about it. T'was nice. Heh, speaking of my brother, I love it when he goes shopping, because he's a silly boy and misjudges sizes, and will inevitably get something stylish and too small for him that I get to wear *g*. Anyway, I'm hoping a certain mister will come on again this morning, and this time I'll actually be near the computer to talk to him. Though, I must admit, I must admit, I do love coming back to the computer and seeing his oh-so-sweet messages. ^_^

Well, tomorrow, er..later today, after work my brother's coming back here to pick me up, then we're off for the airport to pick up me mum, and then it's back to home sweet hellhole in Nyack.

Now I'm more than half-way through More, Now, Again. Damn, do I adore Elizabeth Wurtzel. I wish I could use it for one of my summer reading books, but alas, it probably wouldn't fall under the NHS faculty's prescribed opinion of true American literature. Whatever, she's an American, it's about her, hence, American literature, bitch. Anyway, I need to get another book on the Salem Witch Trials for my AP US report, the one I have now is all wrong. I've started reading the chapters for AP Gov. & Politics, but haven't written any answers down, and haven't started the reading for AP US. Damn, and I haven't started re-reading The Scarlet Letter, despite my already reading it, I desperately need a memory refresher, and to do the entries, and I sort of have another book picked out, I just need to go get it. Does anyone know for sure whether we have to do the evaluation thing for both books? I'm pretty sure it's only one. Honestly, I care about the AP work for both classes much more than the english. Wow, I've rambled enough about school.

As a closing note, I've noticed that in most situations surrounding me, whether it be in literature, movies, or just the people in my life around me, people don't really tend to fight back. Well, no, what I mean is that there doesn't seem to be much local challenging of authority, not like in major cases with the governemt and such, but with teachers, or officials, or parents, or anyone, really. Am I the only one around here that doesn't have a problem with speaking up, or providing a challenge when someone says something I don't agree with, or don't want to do, for legitimate reasons? I don't know, it's not a judgement, just an observation. People around here just seem to deal with everything with a quiet, subdued obedience. I don't get it. *Sighs* Oh well.

My boredom is both terminal and fatal...

Wed, 14 Jul 2004 09:16:58 GMT

So, here I am, very bored, very lonely. The odd straggler will sign on every now and then and entertain me for a bit, but now, once again, I'm alone, and bored, as I've already stated. As crazy as this is, I'm not really in the mood to read any slash now, even though I have a story opened, I'm just not really paying attention to it, it's just sort of..there. I already read half of More, Now, Again, by Elizabeth Wurtzel last night...and morning, at Casey's while she slept. I know I'll end up reading more of it later tonight, and..this morning, just not now. After this, I have Bitch, and Radical...something, left to read, but I'm more interested in Prozac Nation, which I've already read, and More, Now, Again, than those two. Hm..I'm working it out for Ash and Iris to come visit the weekend or week of the 23rd. I'm going through Ash withdrawl, I need to see my little sister. I need to get together more money by the than I have now, since I plan on treating that little sweetie to everything and anything her big heart desires.

Ya know what's fun? Searching your body and finding random scratches, bruises, and lascerations, some rather deep, all of which you have no clue as to their origins. It's quite odd. Seriously, I spent the night at Casey's last night, the girl probably went to work on my legs with a Swiss Army knife and her bare hands while I was alseep. Ha. I knew she always had it in for me. =P

Er..Keith IM'ed me from Korea a while ago, that was the sweetest thing ever. He said he has lots of pictures he wants to show me, I can't wait to see them. I can't wait to see him! It'll be great when he gets home. *sighs* And then he's off to Rutgers. Oh well, at least I'll be able to spend a little time w/ him before he's off, and he's ot really going that far away. I adored the fact that when he was talking about the possibility of him not ending up going to Korea, he said that the only good thing would be that we would get to spend more time together. *Swoons*

Oh yeah, Eric thinks he owes me something for not showing up this night when he said he would. This is excellent, seeing as how I can use it to my advantage. *evil maniacal laugh, rubs hands together with malice* Now, it is up to you all to provide me with suggestions as to what I should make him do. Keep in mind that it should be to my advantage, not just something stupid or embarrassing for him to do. Sorry Eric, if you're reading this. I promise, it won't make it anything too terrible, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't relish in reading the suggestions. All of you..plot away!

And the results are....

Wed, 14 Jul 2004 01:53:46 GMT

which one of your LJ friends loves you
LJ Username
enough to be friends	wilting_rose_24
hates you to death	daymun_amador
has a crush	pinkhatgurl
loves you SO much	klassykaci
dreams of haveing sex with you	palewhiteskin
wants to marry you	zestful_zenith

This fun quiz by someone_lover - Taken 6679 Times. </a>